UNIT 1
Creating Meaningful Relationships
Week 1/Journal entry:
I have never wanted to be a teacher. In my experience as a student most teachers seemed to be rigid and judgemental, their preferred mode struck me as being too narrow, too structured and analytical. There were a couple of teachers in my past who were more flexible and took the time to get to know me (or so I felt) but it really wasn’t until my children were in school that I experienced teachers who were open, warm and involved with their students on a personal level.
After reading Ch. 1 I realize that the mind-set of teachers has evolved tremendously from when I was a child. Present day thinking about teaching – like the recognition of the importance of trust and having a “sense of common purpose and mutual respect” for both teacher and student and trusting your own instincts or being “in the business of creating meaningful relationships” (p. 4). What strikes me most is that these are some of the aspects of counselling that make me want to do the same "helping" kind of work. Because of my personal experience as a student I have never made the connection between counselling and teaching. Now I’m thinking that if I had had the benefit of this course early on in my life I probably would have considered a career as a teacher – although Dr. Mamchur’s warnings about not trying to be a “messenger of truth and light” for my students might have been difficult for me as an eager, idealistic young adult (p. 6).
Progress Log Task #1
I have included the last 2 paragraphs of this first progress log, identifying my needs and how they motivate specific actions, because it really shifted my perception of my motivations. It made me realize that there is no linear chain of cause and effect to the way I operate in life. Tracing how my needs motivate my behaviour and vice versa is more like trying to sort out which at came first, the chicken or the egg, than it is drawing direct causal lines between them.
In considering each of these needs and how they are met I can see that my social personality and curiosity are motivated, to some degree, by my particular needs rather than being strictly genetic or temperamentally based. I am also now aware that my way of being in the world may not be the result of conscious choices I have made in consideration of others so much as it is the result of my internal needs. I find this very surprising and really interesting – especially when I consider that I feel most free when I am alone and feel no need to check-in with or worry about anyone else. I understand that I take relationships seriously because they feed me in so many ways it makes sense that being released from that intensity would feel like freedom. I suppose my reluctance to take opportunities to be “released” is also influenced by my needs since taking a break too often, or for too long, could lead to the loss of my relationships and so my feelings of safety, power, pleasure, and love.
One last thought has occurred to me as a result of this exercise. During the times when I feel overwhelmed or put upon by the demands of others or by my commitments I think it will help to remind myself that I am also getting a lot out of these relationships and projects. There are reasons why I operate in life the way I do and those reasons have as much to do with my own survival and happiness as they do with any ideas I may have about being of service and a worthy human being.
Shortly after completing this task (and this section) I was with a friend who was clearly hurt because, once again, her husband had passed up a chance to show her he loved her. I recalled the story of the boy and how his picture of what fatherly love was didn’t match the way his father actually showed his love (P. 13). I suggested to her that she take a second look at her husband and consider what he was doing that he thought conveyed his love for her rather than just looking for her picture of what that was. She agreed to give it a try.
I am now trying to use this “double vision” in all my relationships. I’m looking forward to sharing this with counselling clients, family and friends. It’s very valuable information.
